a selective village

It take a village to raise a child~ African Proverb

It most certainly does! I regularly feel gratitude because of the support I have with caring for my children. No one can do life alone. Especially with children. Whether it is your partner, parents, siblings, teachers, friends, or extended family, someone at some point has extended some kind of support when you needed it. 

When I became a mother, I was selective about my village by default- I had no living parents where I live. Even as a child, my family was small, so I grew up learning the power of chosen family- having a selective circle was normal for me. But when I had children, my lens changed- I saw things differently. My goals were not just mine, but goals I now had for my children. Safety, trust and values became clearer for me. And although I love a lot of people, I rock tough with a very selective circle of loved ones. 

This isn’t about judging other people in a negative “holier-than-thou” kind of way. This is about understanding what inspires me, what I want for myself and my children, and cultivating friendships with others that have similar values and goals. And while that has taken me some years to figure that out, I can say without hesitation that I trust my village to help me raise my children. The members of my village all have different talents. Activating my strengths and accepting my weaknesses allows me to receive support in areas I may not be great at. If there’s a topic I’m not knowledgeable on, I’m going to consult with a member of my tribe who I believe has more expertise. And of course, I offer my own skills and talents to support them and their children as well.

So, ask yourself, how do you feel about your village? Is your circle strong in the areas you are not? What do you offer to your circle in loving reciprocation? This is the power of a village. Remember, be preferential with choosing your circle. 

Your mama supporter, 

Yaya